No mom, I can do it.....

It has been a while since I sat down to write something. I've been feeling rather blah lately. I think I will blame it on the constant change of weather and the planets re-aliening or something like that. As of now we are in the process of finding a new car and possibly finding a new place to live. Our duplex is small, and our family has out grown this 2 bedroom 1 bath where our life has been for the past few years. We got married here and had Addison here. This lil duplex has been our home, but I think its time to let go. Crossing fingers we find something bigger in our price range. But who knows what tomorrow will bring. We have until the last day of February to figure things out so its going to be awhile. Addison is growing and learning things every day. We have finally defeated sitting up with no support. And that feels great. Im so proud of my lil munchkin for getting past this milestone. Yesterday we went to the ear nose and throat doctor, where we found out Addy will be needing tubes in her ears. Im sure she will do fine, but with this comes the scary lil possibilities of what if. But Addy is a rockstar. She is amazing, and when it comes down to it I know she will get through it. Im wondering if things will change after she gets these tubes, is she going to babble more? Maybe say mama? I hope so. I can't wait for that. She doesn't even act like she has any problems with her hearing, but there has been fluid in her ears for sometime, and she has failed 3 hearing tests. So tubes here we come. Hailey has really been trying to keep me on my toes. Sometimes I wonder if she wakes up and thinks of ways to aggravate me for the day. She wants to be so independent. And sometimes it drives me nuts. Her new thing is buckling herself in the car. "I can do it mom!!!" That's what she likes to tell me. When she says this I want to scream and shake her, but I don't. I keep my cool, I just don't look forward to getting in the car. She also likes to unbuckle and open the door to get out of the car which makes me nervous. But im trying to have patience with her. Please pray for me...lol.

10 Random things I love

1. Striped leggings/leg warmers (Addison's drawer is so full, I'm going to be sad when it gets hot again.)
2. Texting  (I don't know how I lived without it?)
3. Target (This place has everything!!!)
4. Things that cost a $1 (One of the reasons I love Target!!!)
5. Pictures of my children (Can you tell???)

6. BIG hair bows (They go great with striped leggings)
7.  Margaritas (Once im done breastfeeding im drinking a few of these!!!)
8. CHOCOLATE (Enough said)
9.  Flip-flops (I wear them even when its 50 degrees out)
10.  Wii (We got one for Christmas, and it is super fun, probably helps that I've been kicking everyone's ass!)

Some rambling...

 So while I have a moment to sit here and type by myself. Addison is still asleep and Scott took Hailey to work with him. So here I am sitting at the computer. Yesterday I went through my camera and started deleting pictures from my memory card. I had pictures on there from somewhere before September until now. I'm weird about deleting pictures it took me this long because I have picture anxiety...yes picture anxiety.  I'm scared my pictures will   disappear so I uploaded them all to walmart.com and then felt that I could delete them because they are now safe. Well what I feel is safe, on my hard drive and walmart.com. lol. I never

said I was sane...so back to my point. I looked through my pictures at my kids smiling faces and other times we have been through since September.   And there amidst the pictures were Addy's surgery pics. I cried. Yes I cried, I saw here with her lil IV's and surgery glue.  And all I could think was "Thank You God, it's over now." My heart filled up with happiness so big I felt like it my explode. I'm so grateful and there are just not enough words to describe how happy I am that I and Addison are on the other side of surgery. The side where I don't have to think about going through that every single day, every single 10 minutes with it popping through my head thinking about losing her. That's it. It's done here we are. We made it. And there is nothing that can compare to that feeling. Friends and family were there through it all but you weren't her momma, and you weren't Addy. And here we are, happy and fixed. I was afraid of how I would be reminded of her surgery because of her scar, but I only sometimes notice it or run my finger over it and think about that day.

When we were at our Holiday party last Sunday, one of the other mommas were talking to me about surgery and about the hardest part, giving them to the doctors. That really is something you can't imagine until you are there. And they take her away from you, rush her out of the room and say we will do the iv in the operating room. That was literally the hardest thing I have ever had to go through so far in my 25 years of living. I broke down, literally I felt like my body wasn't going to make it, and after crying for a good portion of time, I did what anyone in that position does, prayed and waited. And that was it, like magic all of a sudden she is doing great, we are almost done. Do you know what that sounds like when the nurse comes in and tells you that. Well if you've been through it you do. And it was a phrase I will never forget. Ok now that I got that off my chest...whew....The other pictures on my camera were like a little story, just a smidge of our lives over the past few months, and it was magic.  The way Hailey and Addison play together, or how cute they are when I make them smile, and pictures of family being together. Its what makes the world go round. That's what tugs at your heart and makes your ovaries pulsate and scream "HAVE ANOTHER ONE!!! Look how cute they are, look how fun it is." I feel so full sometimes, just full of life and love and completeness. It's amazing. I don't think any more kids are in our future, but you never know. I think we are done having children and then these moments, these feelings, they get to me. I told that to Scott the other day, after a spur of the moment visit to see Santa. I was like babe this is it, this is what I live for. Hailey was so excited, and if you would have seen Addy's face the WHOLE entire time we were in Bass Pro. It was special. I hope I never forget it.

Addison's first christmas. I can't wait to see the girls faces on christmas morning. Im going to eat it up. So I will go get my spoon ready...and now I have to finish wrapping presents, Addy is awake so she will be tearing up some paper and waving it all around. Merry Christmas everyone. Enjoy this time, it only happens once a year.

Im conceited....

When it comes to my children....I can't help it. Look at them! They are so beautiful.

I can't believe how lucky I am. I love when I look at my girls together its so precious. I love how Hailey mimicks me and talks to Addy like I do. It's so precious. Having children is really amazing. Its not always pretty I'll say that much. But the good stuff is where its at. And things like the first christmas is right up there. This is Addison's first christmas. Im still waiting on a miracle, and holding onto hope that maybe she could sit by her self for at least a minute. Who knows, stranger things have happened. So for the next few days its baby-sitting-up-boot-camp. We will see. Im so excited about Christmas. My tree looks amazing, and so will all the presents that will be there christmas morning. I can't wait to see Hailey and Addison's face when they get to see all there new fun toys. Ughhh its going to be such a mess in here. I did get rid of a bunch of toys but lets face it I have a shopping problem... So yeah there is still much more to get rid of. But I think I just need a bigger house :)

Thankful

There are so many things im thankful for. Especially this year. This has been a rough one. Hailey was in the hospital for a week with rsv while I was pregnant, Addison had open heart surgery, we are broke, and some other things but those were the really sucky ones. I didnt think I was going to make it through addison's surgery but here I am. Im so thankful all of that is behind me!!!! Im also thankful for soo much more, like the fact that I have my family right around the corner from me and they are always there whenever I need a helping hand or im being a scaredy cat and need to stay with them while my husband goes out of town because lets face it, im scared to be alone. Im one of those people that scare the crap out of myself.  I see scary clown shape murderers in the shadows of my bedroom. So this wonderful Thanksgiving week, and black friday I was at my parents, two children in toe. We manage to get through it with out any one getting into a fist fight, for the most part..... I'm also thankful for the fact that we had just enough money left on credit cards to do some shopping for the girls on black Friday for Christmas.  I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, and a wonderful husband, and two children who love me (most of the time). Im just so thankful I could explode. Some days I wake up and feel so happy about my life, I love waking up to my girls smiling and talking to each other, while my husband is in the kitchen makeing me a cup of coffee and I can smell it all the way in the bedroom (yes he is that awesome).  I love when Scott comes in and kisses us goodbye, before he leaves for work, and I see it in his eyes too.  How happy he is, for what we do have. Its a wonderful thing. Im also thankful for the wonderful group of close friends I have. The ones that are always there for me no matter what, through thick and thin. I got lucky, I really did with my girls (Amber,Crystal,Jade, and Melea (in ABC order...)). And last but not least im thankful for chocolate......how I Love you dear sweet delicious chocolate....

The super long update post

This is Addison after her surgery. She did amazing. I should have wrote this post right after it happened when it was real and raw and right in the front of my head. But I have been busy with life lately. After her surgery was done we were only in the hospital for 5 days. i couldn't believe. I thought my heart was going to explode when everything was done with and they told me it was a success.  I literally felt a million pounds lift off of my shoulders. I had my mom and hubby with the whole time, thank God for their support. I couldn't have asked for a better experience. Not one complication.  Not to mention the size of her scar. It was nothing like I thought it would be. I pictured this massive incision all the way to her belly button for some reason, but it was smaller than my finger, which you can see in the pic.

By day 3 Addison was smiling.  It was auch a wonderful sight to see. I was so happy to pack my stuff up and get out of that hospital and have that whole situation behind me. Once we got home it took a little while to get back to normal. But I think we are there now. We have been seeing the cardiologist every other week. And so far everything has been right on track. And Addison is even starting to gain weight. And with that being said there is another reason why she is gaining weight, she has been eating baby food. And she loves it, every bite. I have to scrape the baby food jar and she is still wanting more.  She is especially loving apples. So far she has had apples, peas, sweet potato, green beans and baby cereal with apple juice. She is a happy little camper. We also went to the eye doctor and audiologist. The eye doctor said she is a little farsighted. But I knew she would need glasses, we all have them in my family. And the audiologist did not get a good reading and thought addy had some fluid in her ears so we went and saw our pediatrician but she said there was no infection and not much fluid at all, nothing that would cause concern or would need immediate action. So that was good to hear.

Hailey has been doing awesome in school. Her coloring skills are almost perfect.  I swear, its crazy she stays in the lines.  I cant believe with just a few months of school all she has learned. She has also picked up an extra bit of attitude. But she hangs with the boys and I saw that coming from a mile away. Lets see what else. Halloween was a success, and the girls looked freaking adorable. As always we started the night off late. But that tends to happen when there are like 6 children involved. And even though we are half way threw November, Hailey's candy is still sitting in her bucket not even eaten. But we are not going to tell her that.  And speaking of candy... Hailey had her tooth pulled and after this week it will have been a total of 3 dentist apts for the month. The good thing is Amber came to help for the tooth pulling. Yea she went back there.  Soooo many doctor and dentist appointments, I am exhausted to say the least. Besides all of the crazyness and busyness this time of year brings, it also welcomes the cold weather.  Well what we Floridians know as cold weather.  We have brought out the cold clothes, and that makes me a happy girl. Living in Florida is a wonderful thing. I don't know where else one day you can be wearing a hoodie, long sleeve shirt, pants, socks and sneakers and then two days later back into flip-flops and tank tops. Its a wonderful thing. I love this time of year, and next week is Thanksgiving. We have lots of things to be thankful for this year, but ill save that for another post.  Im sure there are other things that have happened since I last posted but I've got to start dinner.....Frozen pizza here I come.

Our life lately

So it's been awhile since I've posted. So Here are a few pictures from the past month.


Addison and Bella playing.


Addison swinging in her swing. It makes her so happy.


My little girl is getting so big. I can't believe she is 4.


Addison can sit in her bumbo, for a little bit by her self. She is doing so good in therapy she can hold her head up for 30 seconds and she can roll over from back to front and front to back. She coos all the time and makes little spit bubbles. Its so adorable. Tomorrow we leave at 7:00 am to go in for Addison's pre-op labs. They have to draw her blood, x rays, and some more echos. Then on tuesday its time for her surgery. It feels so real now. Because its so close, I can feel my chest getting tight and my eyes keep welling up with tears. I don't know how Im going to do, im just hoping for the best. I know that addy is a strong little fighter and she can get through anything. I hope this is like her birth. And everything goes better then expected and we get to leave after a week. Im just praying and hoping that it goes as smoothly as possible. Once again I have to leave Hailey. I hate being away from her. We bought a web cam so that we can talk to her through video chat. I hope she doesnt cry. I know how much she is going to miss us. Me, scott, addy, and grampy will all be in st pete. Thank God for Grampy and Gi-Gi. I know that Hailey is a strong little girl too, and before she knows it we should back. I just hope she stays busy and happy.