Addison

Yesterday was addy's first apt with her physical therapist. I really like her, she is so sweet, her name is Judy. She brought addison a black and white animal book. And she loves it. Sometimes I wonder when people are talking to me about her are they being extra nice or addy really just doing that awesome. She was really impressed the way she was holding her head up and how she was moving. it made me sooo happy, she kept saying this awesome i love what im seeing, she is doing so good. It made me feel like hey at least im doing something right. She was also really happy about the fact that addison is breastfeeding. That was such a struggle in the begining. I thought for sure it would be easy considering I felt I was a breastfeeding pro. But it was really hard getting her to latch on. But now its a breeze.
On monday we go to St. pete to meet with her surgeon, Dr. Chai. We have already met him once while I was pregnant and basically got a low down of what was going to happen. they thought that she was going to need surgery right away but she didnt. She has done sooooo good since she was born. The doctors have been so happy with her. I just hope it continues to go this well. I am really dreading her going into surgery. I think when they want to take her from me to get her ready for surgery I might just have her in my arms and turn around and run out the door. But I know in my heart that she needs this surgery. Its just really hard. I try to paint this pretty picture of my life, and try to be happy but some days it just doesnt work like that. I just look at my lil girl and think how could anything be wrong she looks so perfect. Its so hard when we go to st. pete for the simple fact that it just screams "there really is something wrong". And I HATE that. One of these days I will find that magic wand that fixes everything.... but until then I just have to buck up and deal. Many people say how do you do it. And my answers is because I have to. There is no way anyone in there right mind would chose for their child to have a heart defect. So just deal with what hand you are given. And this is my hand. And I will get through it. I just have to keep telling myself that. We will get through it. Life isn't easy. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to have Addison, I love her with every single piece, molecule, and breathe of my body. But why does she have to have a heart defect. Iv'e never really been too sad about the fact that she has down syndrome. Thats not what bothers me, because I know she will be basically like any other child, but the heart defect is what gets to me. Its what keeps me up at night, tossing and turning dreading this day that is right around the corner and there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming. Im just having one of those days where I think about it all and all I want to do is cry. But I know I have to be strong. Thank you god for getting me through these days and thank you for giving me such amazing support through my family and friends.