Thursday, December 23, 2010

Some rambling...

 So while I have a moment to sit here and type by myself. Addison is still asleep and Scott took Hailey to work with him. So here I am sitting at the computer. Yesterday I went through my camera and started deleting pictures from my memory card. I had pictures on there from somewhere before September until now. I'm weird about deleting pictures it took me this long because I have picture anxiety...yes picture anxiety.  I'm scared my pictures will   disappear so I uploaded them all to and then felt that I could delete them because they are now safe. Well what I feel is safe, on my hard drive and lol. I never
said I was back to my point. I looked through my pictures at my kids smiling faces and other times we have been through since September.   And there amidst the pictures were Addy's surgery pics. I cried. Yes I cried, I saw here with her lil IV's and surgery glue.  And all I could think was "Thank You God, it's over now." My heart filled up with happiness so big I felt like it my explode. I'm so grateful and there are just not enough words to describe how happy I am that I and Addison are on the other side of surgery. The side where I don't have to think about going through that every single day, every single 10 minutes with it popping through my head thinking about losing her. That's it. It's done here we are. We made it. And there is nothing that can compare to that feeling. Friends and family were there through it all but you weren't her momma, and you weren't Addy. And here we are, happy and fixed. I was afraid of how I would be reminded of her surgery because of her scar, but I only sometimes notice it or run my finger over it and think about that day.
When we were at our Holiday party last Sunday, one of the other mommas were talking to me about surgery and about the hardest part, giving them to the doctors. That really is something you can't imagine until you are there. And they take her away from you, rush her out of the room and say we will do the iv in the operating room. That was literally the hardest thing I have ever had to go through so far in my 25 years of living. I broke down, literally I felt like my body wasn't going to make it, and after crying for a good portion of time, I did what anyone in that position does, prayed and waited. And that was it, like magic all of a sudden she is doing great, we are almost done. Do you know what that sounds like when the nurse comes in and tells you that. Well if you've been through it you do. And it was a phrase I will never forget. Ok now that I got that off my chest...whew....The other pictures on my camera were like a little story, just a smidge of our lives over the past few months, and it was magic.  The way Hailey and Addison play together, or how cute they are when I make them smile, and pictures of family being together. Its what makes the world go round. That's what tugs at your heart and makes your ovaries pulsate and scream "HAVE ANOTHER ONE!!! Look how cute they are, look how fun it is." I feel so full sometimes, just full of life and love and completeness. It's amazing. I don't think any more kids are in our future, but you never know. I think we are done having children and then these moments, these feelings, they get to me. I told that to Scott the other day, after a spur of the moment visit to see Santa. I was like babe this is it, this is what I live for. Hailey was so excited, and if you would have seen Addy's face the WHOLE entire time we were in Bass Pro. It was special. I hope I never forget it.
Addison's first christmas. I can't wait to see the girls faces on christmas morning. Im going to eat it up. So I will go get my spoon ready...and now I have to finish wrapping presents, Addy is awake so she will be tearing up some paper and waving it all around. Merry Christmas everyone. Enjoy this time, it only happens once a year.


  1. You are awesome Mrs. Miller :)

    From Our Family to yours, I know you will have the best Christmas Day that life has to offer.

    You are going to need a very BIG spoon..

    Love you

  2. Thank you!!!I will be needing a VERY big spoon! lol

  3. Hi Megan,

    Love your blog and Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and prosperous new year.

    I hope that this positive affirmation can help you as inspiration "In order to achieve your dreams you may have to face many challenges... it is considered "normal" to fall short when the greatest of these challenges arrive. Stop being "normal"... KEEP UP in the face of everything."

    Let's start the new with Faith, Courage and Enthusiasm.

    Take care,
    Flora aka as adfsanchez